Is the “1 2 3 Magic” strategy for disciplining effective?

Question

Has anyone had experience with the discipline strategies put forth in the book "1 2 3 Magic" by Thomas W Phelan?

"1-2-3 Magic" involves counting your child for bad behavior. For example, your child talks back to you...you say "That's 1". They do it again, you say "That's 2", and again you say "That's 3, Take 5" (or 1 minute per age of the child). Hitting is an automatic time-out.

My wife and I are experimenting with them, but I'd love to know what the consensus of the group is regarding their effectiveness.

Answer 1

The method works. Only took about a week to work on our children. Our son responded within a few days. Did it on all 3 of our children. After a while we skipped 1 and went straight to 2. When they were older all we had to do was raise up 2 fingers and that's all it took. Very rarely got to 3. Used it until they were 16 or so with no problems. Was great for our family!

Answer 2

As lgrtitz says, the key is consistency. The parent(s) must by completely dispassionate about announcing the numbers, and they must do it the same way every time.

We use it, but it's hard for me to stay "icy" enough all the time. :7) When we do, though -- and my wife is good about it -- it works pretty well.

They will respond, but yeah, some of them do learn to wait for "2" before responding.

Answer 3

The idea is not simply to count, but to basically make it totally no-nonsense. No begging, pleading, berating. Just count and when you hit 3, they get a timeout or loss of privilege.

We found this very effective, for what it's worth. They key is applying it consistently, and using it as a substitute for the parents getting all riled up.

Answer 4

Yes. We use them. With combination with love and logic. Once in 6 months you have to reach 3 and make anaother refresh-punishment. but the method worked fine for us.

Answer 5

My mom counted. My brothers and I took it as permission to continue the undesired behavior until the next to last number. The same thing is true with repeated warnings for bad behavior. The child gets conditioned that Mom doesn't mean it the first few times she says it.

I think it "1 2 3 Magic" is an improvement for some parents because it forces them to issue the command and then shut up and let the child respond.

When you speak, the child should comply promptly. Rather than counting, just wait an appropriate amount of time ... long enough for your command to be processed, a second or so ... then if the child hasn't complied apply punishment. For things that the kid knows from previous discipline are not accepted, go straight to punishment.

Answer 6

I am not familiar with the book, however, in therapy, I use a 1-2-3 count with a bit of a twist. I state the desired behavior. If no appropriate response, I begin counting - 1. I restate the desired behavior. If no indication of change, I ask, Do you need help? Then add - 2. When I say 3, I provide immediate even sudden hand over assist to get the job done.

This works best for tasks that I can physically assist in the action - such as come here, sit down, or get the [insert object]. I speak matter of factly giving direct eye contact and attention. I pause several moments between numbers to allow time for compliance. The physical assist is not in a friendly coddling manner, but rather directed and brisk. As soon as the desire action is completed I respond with "thank you" or "good job" and proceed with a smile as if nothing unusual has happened.

For a school aged child who has a better concept of time, a 3 strikes version may be useful. A child is trained that everyone makes mistakes and acts inappropriately at times and this system is explained. Bad or inappropriate behavior is confronted simply in a soft voice with the statement: That's number one. If bad behavior continues or is repeated at anytime during the day, the child is prompted with: That's number two. If the violation occurs once again during the day, the predetermined consequence is enforced. This will be different depending on the child. It may be a loss of privileges or other predetermined actions.

Each day begins with a new opportunity and even if there were 2 strikes the day before, the slate is wiped clean. Three new strikes are allowed every day.

Answer 7

We employed the 1 2 3 magic formula for a while. The ideas weren't completely foreign to us, since it's part about controlling your own temper and not having your own tantrum as a form of discipline, and part about rewards and (safe) punishments from behavioral psychology.

What I liked is that for "stopping" behaviors, like "stop jumping on the couch" it works great. Our kids had a lot of clarity as to what they could expect, and they responded like magic. When we told them "that's 1" they would either stop, or slow down whatever it was they were doing. Usually we didn't get to "that's 2," and we almost never had to send them to the corner.

What I didn't from it was a good grasp on how to deal with "starting" behaviors, like "start doing the dishes" or "start cleaning your room." The book talks about both, but maybe I don't remember the specific tactics used.

Also, it's hard to remember to do some things, like not lecturing them on and on. It's just habit. So the book is great, but it takes some self control to implement.

Answer 8

I read "1 2 3 Magic" a few years ago. My wife and I have been using a system similar to this with our two children and the results have been mostly positive.

We have a 3 year old and a 1.5 year old. The three year old generally listens before we get to the count of three. With the 1.5 year old, it is more hit and miss. She thinks its more fun to yell two after we start with one.