How can I teach my child not to be greedy?

Question

It seems that today's world has gone mad in consumerism and materialism. Parents give their kids presents on all kinds of occasions where presents didn't use to be given, like random holidays throughout the year, and name days, and half-birthdays, school-end and school-start, and so on. Stores sell Christmas candy and decorations in September! After that, it's not even New Year yet and the stores are gearing up for Easter.

I don't know what's gone wrong, but it just seems wrong to me to show kids that they can have lots of things they wish for, for no special reason. When I was a kid, I got birthday presents and Christmas presents. End of story.

I don't want to be that kind of parent, but I am surrounded by other parents who think it's fine. This will likely cause some friction when my child feels cheated out of presents that other kids get.

In what ways can I teach my child that he cannot "demand" gifts? I want to teach the idea that getting gifts is not a right. Gifts are only for very special occasions and for showing appreciation.

Answer 1

Show them how to have fun without gifts/stuff

What did I enjoy most when I was a child? Going camping: making fires and climbing trees. At home it was Lego, or those wooden railways. My sister and I would make a layout and then play make believe games with the little people. p.s. I am only 18, so it's not like this harks back to another time, this is possible now with the right attitude.

Also, Don't tolerate greediness

Chastise your children for wanting gifts. It is a bad trait, although it is NOT their fault. Do not say that they are bad, just say that they shouldn't expect such things and let them find or show them something else fun to do.

People want things for a reason, most often boredom, but also social acceptance (everyone else has it). I think limited 'everyone else has it' cases should be tolerated, but if you can find other activities that are fun then they will be too busy to bother about stuff.

Answer 2

I think that as with many things, it is always important to explain to your child that different families do things differently and the way we do things is that gifts are for special occasions... It is important to help your child find ways to have intrinsic value for many of the occasions I see parents giving presents for. In the case of things like school start or end, talk about what the value of that occurrence is. I have not heard about name days and half birthdays, thankfully, but firmly agree with you there there is far to much value placed on extrinsic motivations in the form of gifts for so many things that consumerism is rampant! In closing, it is always important to teach your child your values and stick to your guns - it is good to be different and kids need to understand that to be empowered to be individuals as they grow up.

Answer 3

The simple answer to your question is to only give and allow gifts to be given on special occasions.

However, there is a reason we give gifts: it strengthens our relationships (this link is interesting commentary on the subject). There is much pleasure to be gained in the giving, probably more than in the receiving. Why would we want to restrict spreading happiness?

I would suggest that instead of focusing on the why or when, focus on the what and the how. Encouraging your children to give thoughtful gifts for any reason whatsoever will strengthen their generosity rather than their greed because it feels so good to cause other people's happiness.

Restrict the budget for gifts so that your child needs to use their creativity and ingenuity for those special occasions. Limit "things" in general. One of the parents I know asked that we restrict our gifts and made it known that there would not be lootbags etc. at the party. We were just going to have fun together.

When they do receive gifts, especially homemade ones, be sure to comment on the thought and consideration that must have gone into it. Value handmade gifts over ones that are purchased and explain why they are more special to you. This will help counteract thoughtless consumerism, which seems to be your major concern and teach them to be gracious recipients.

A last thought from the link above:

"If I don't let you give me a gift, then I'm not encouraging you to think about me and think about things I like. I am preventing you from experiencing the joy of engaging in all those activities. You do people a disservice by not giving them the gift of giving."

Answer 4

Personally, I find giving presents on "special days" is over rated. People response better to random acts of gift giving and reward based gifts. If it was me, I'd just leave gifts on special days to grandparents.

Answer 5

While we do give gifts on Christmas and birthdays, the other times we give gifts is as a reward, or a thank you or sometimes just to surprise someone. Our activity is picked up by the children, so sometimes they will make a small present to give to a friend, or to one of us, for no apparent reason.

We encourage this, and it helps them in understanding that they should never expect a present, but when one is given it is a pleasant surprise.

The occasional times they 'demand' a present because their friends are getting one etc., they get a very definite no. They can pay for it out of their pocket money if it is that important.