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Our child has always known they are free to ask about the circumstances of their adoption and we have always given open, honest, age-appropriate answers.

However, this "free to talk" attitude may not have helped them deal with peers at school who ask about it. Really it's none of their business.

How do we help our child to understand it's an open topic at home and nothing shameful, yet they shouldn't feel obliged to answer intrusive questions coming at them from the wider world?

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I think that treating adoption like a "special" topic not treated by the same social rules as others may be a bad move.

My son knows that if someone asks a question he isn't comfortable with, about anything, he doesn't have to answer it. If he tries it vs. a teacher, it's subject to my judgement when I get a phone call about it, but vs. peers it is 100% his call.

If you take that attitude in general, you lose any potential feeling of stigma regarding the subject of adoption, because it's not about adoption, it's about dealing with nosy kids. :P

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Awesome answer! –  Torben Gundtofte-Bruun Mar 31 '11 at 11:47
    
+1 .. I agree with @TorbenGundtofte-Bruun –  tomjedrz Oct 8 '11 at 20:50
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