A little back story to understand my relationship with my mom. I'm 25 and I live with her alone for almost 20 years (my brother is 12 years older than me, and he moved together with his wife 8 years ago, before that he worked a lot, often slept at his workplace or lived at dorm, so he was rarely at home). My mom always pampered (best word?) me, when I was in high school he always said that at summer I have to work anywhere, but when summer came she never forced (me of course neither, because it was good for me to stay home instead). Now when I think about it, I feel anger at her, because I think I could have achived more in my life till now if she was stronger about this. At the university (in my hometown) at first I was not a good learner, I failed a few classes, because it was new for me that I had so much freedom. I "of course" never told her about the failed classes. I once wanted to, but before I was able she told me if the university will take longer than it should then she will not tolerate it (she almost yelled that). It's hard to explain, but it's like she always tried to terrorize me (I know it's a strong word, but still true). At the end I finished the university, but not the master only bachelor and she learned that only at my graduation (she accepted it surprisingly easy, but later she often said when we had an argument, that I should remember, that how calm she was when she find out).
She always said me, that I could tell him anything like for a friend, but I never wanted. For me, that so called friend in my family was my brother despite the age difference. I never told her that, because I was always a bit afraid of her. Maybe because she always yelled when there was a problem.
Now I have a girlfriend who will move in another city and I would like to follow her. She will study there, and I would like to work. For 5-6 years I always wanted to move out from home, but seriously only for 2 years, but then I met my girlfriend, before that I also found a job here in my town. But now that she leaves I also want, we decided that already back in december. Half a month ago we had a quarrel or better say my mother yelled at me after I went home from a 2 day trip with my girlfriend, and I didn't called her every day. She then yelled she hopes I don't want to move to my girlfriend (he also lives with her parents, so it's impossible), and that I don't want to follow her where she goes to university. To the second I didn't told no, just gave an evasive answer.
(A few years ago my brothers wife told my mom, that she thinks I should have gone to unversity in another city, just to be a little independent. My mom of course was angry how she dare to say that, but I - never said it loud - agreed with this oppinion.)
On the other hand we have a good relationship, but I don't want to live there anymore, I want to live my own life. The fact that I have a girlfriend who is moving away was the last thing for me to decide to go, even that I met here convinced me to stay here yet for a while.
I just don't know how to tell this to my mother. I know that she loves me and she don't want to stay here alone (my brother also lives in this town, so alone only means the house), but I want to go and try to reach my life goals. I just fear that if I tell her, she will be furious, she will yell, and I'm tired to try to make a normal argument with her, when I know that it will be only a one way dialogue. I also fear that she will blame my girlfriend.
I know, I should speak with her, but still don't know how, so if someone has an idea or something, then please go on!
The question is, what should I say to her, how should I tell that I'm old enough to move out without pique her and without start a one way yell argument again?
Sorry for the long post, I just feel this was needed.