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Well, I'm not exactly a "parent" but certainly I try to "educate" her about things I lived. (since we both live together and alone since young (18)).

The fact is that she is 22, and is at a pre-university class that she has to pass in order to be able to start studying the career she chose.

We went to high school together at a public school and the level wasn't very good, I helped her in exams and she helped me doing the group projects while I was sleeping (I was working at night in that time).

She got depressed because she failed in a very simple math exam, where, for example, she had to find if a candidate with 11000 votes out of 49000 had more than 25% of the votes.

I told her that I will be there for her even if she doesn't pass the course (She keeps saying that I will leave her because of her intellectual level), and that we all will still be there.

I keep telling her that I failed twice trying to enter a university (the level was much higher, but I still failed) to make her feel better.

How can I make her pass this situation and how can I prepare her to better understand problems to solve? I need to motivate her so she doesn't quit and keep trying besides the fails.

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closed as off-topic by Joe, Chrys, DanBeale, SomeShinyObject, Jax Apr 25 '14 at 1:25

  • This question does not appear to be about parenting within the scope defined in the help center.
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This question appears to be off-topic because it is about academia. Consider migrating to Academia. – Joe Apr 22 '14 at 16:16
@Joe - Academia is for graduate-level (and above) issues, this won't be acceptable. – Ana Apr 22 '14 at 22:30
@Jorge, here's a link to a lovely blog post about math anxiety - written by a mathematician. You and your girlfriend might like it:… – Ana Apr 22 '14 at 22:31
This question appears to be off-topic because it is about issues unrelated to parenting. – SomeShinyObject Apr 23 '14 at 12:01
The very fact you think of the way you are dealing with her as related to "parenting" shows that you have this all wrong. She is an adult. It is not your job to "make her pass" or "motivate her". No wonder she seems to feel inferior to you since you seem to be acting in a way that reinforces that belief (even if your stated belief / motivation is different). I honestly think that if you want to stay with her long term, you both should go for some couples counselling and you personally should back off from trying to "teach" her or "parent" her in any way. – Vicky Apr 24 '14 at 10:10

Jorge, failing in the exam was just a trigger point but I believe she is not depressed because she failed in a very simple math exam instead she felt that you believe her intellectual level is not same as yours. may be you didn't mean but somehow your behavior is showing that to her.

I am sharing my opinion just because i have been to same situation where I didn't realize that even though i am saying that "something doesn't matter" but inside me somewhere I was scared "what if that thing doesn't get improved over time". So unintentionally but I was not true to my self only. and when this happens our words doesn't mean anything and doesn't feel anything.

lets put the exam and her academic result on the side for now and just focus on your thinking and attitude/behavior first. Are they in sync ?

Step-1 what is the reason you believe you will be always stay with her? Think about "why would you be with her at age 25, 30,35,40,45,50,55,60,65,70,75,80,85,90, and so on. think and note down the reason everyday for 1 week and see if your reasons changes by day.

Step-2 Let me know what is the result of Step-1. will discuss that after 1 week. but continue next step meanwhile.

Step-3 As of right now, put your corporate/Academic/Personal race (to go ahead) or your achievements and/or hard-work back of the mind and see if you can spend good time with her doing things what she enjoys. recall the things she naturally does very well w/o any outside efforts and try to do few of those activity.

Tell her: "Yes, may be, I will feel bit low sometimes when I will compare your so called measured intellectual with some one else but that doesn't mean I don't love you any more."

"There is always lot of fascinating things happens in the world at all time. instead trying to reach out to ALL why not enjoy whats happening where we are right now."

Step-4 Be ready (mentally) for this kind of conversation with her more and more over time. may be every month, may be every week even under situations when you are not feeling to talk about anything.

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'+1' to counter the downvote. I am not active on this site, was just eventually ocurrd to this post and created an account to counter that silent downvote. – user31782 Apr 25 '14 at 5:44

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