A little background- my daughter has never had a boyfriend/girlfriend or relationship and is in 8th grade. She has always been young for her age and had a tough time identifying with other girls and kids at her school (we had issues of bullying- mostly to her being shy) in which we switched her schools in 3rd grade. She was always the sweet, shy one, and so paranoid of her acne, which she has had from a young age. Well, she has blossomed now into a gorgeous, tall bombshell (I hate to say it) but since she joined Performing Arts, and gotten lead roles, it has really boosted her self esteem.
Anyhow, my daughter has finally found her "soul mate" friends (she says) that really understand her and has been texting them (2 in particular) at all hours. One is 14 and the other is 17, both girls. I am very close with my daughter and started seeing something "more" going with her feelings wise for the 17 year old who played her opposite as the lead in the past play, where they also shared a kissing scene, multiple times. I asked her one night outright if she liked the 17 year old and she teared up and asked how I knew. I told her I was her mama and that I just knew and that I would love her unconditionally. She said she still liked both guys and girls, but she definitely liked the 17 year old and she couldn't help her feelings. I hugged her and that is how she came out to me.
Fast forward two weeks- we've told dad which was hard but he is supportive (ish) it's still new. We had to tell her that there is absolutely no way she can have sleepovers with the 13 year old and 17 old (which they were planning). We've never fought with her in our life (she has always been so easy until now!)
She told me that her and the 17yo were "seeing each other" and that the 17yo has an "open" relationship with a boy as well, which means they can see other people. Well, I met with the 17yo, (who insisted they were friends) explained they were not allowed to see each other anymore, and thank goodness the 17yo obliged. I don't think she realized the level of the relationship my daughter was thinking. We also told her we were pulling her out of the class she is teaching for Performing Arts that our daughter just started.
My husband and I explained the situation to my daughter and she is devastated and angry. Well, that's an understatement. She is embarrassed for having more feelings for someone than they had for her (and someone much older), having her other friends find out about this crush, and furious at us-- especially since she confided in us her feelings. We always told her she could tell us anything, and now she says she trusted us and we took away her best friend in life.
We tried to explain that it was an age thing, that if the 17yo was a boy, we would have done the SAME thing. We explained we did it to protect her, we explained how 13yo and 17yo have different emotions and all the rest, but of course she didn't want to hear it. Anyhow, my heart as a mom hurts so much right now. She just lays in her room in the dark not talking to anyone. We have always been so close. I know it is not my job to be her friend right now, but to be her mom, but any advice would be appreciated.